Writing challenge day 4
In Between
It is almost my turn, I've got nothing! Think, think, think! What is my WHY?! I choke, I feel tears well up and panic sets in. "Darn it Miek, what is your WHY?!" On my right, Ruby professes her why in a clear, concise, relatable fashion. She made it sound so easy, free and so very darn profound. I fiddle with my pen as I nervously look around at the way more qualified artists who were so lucky also to be part of the program.
Ten other artists of various disciplines, including myself, were selected for The Path, a mentoring program facilitated by Dr. Kellie O'Dempsey. Artists work on a new body of work from concept to production and learn to articulate their project's ideas and find their WHY. Kellie and I have known each other for a few years. She took me under her wing as her mentee, recognizing my dedication, eagerness to learn, and willingness to listen and do the work. I respect her expertise, critique and appreciate her directness, as she has a caring way of giving me a good kick up the butt.
My chosen project for the program was the final body of work for my graduation. Naturally, I wasn't satisfied with the required 2 to 4 pieces. It had to be an entire body of work, and why not go all out and exhibit it? It would be my first solo show. Nine months had already gone into the project, and I even secured The Old Ambulance Station gallery for the exhibition. An astounding 21 concepts for artworks are ready to be produced. With so much going on in my head, I could no longer see the forest for the trees, and there were only three months left before the exhibition. The timing of this program couldn’t have been better.
Kellie was wrapping up her feedback on Ruby’s WHY. Inside my head, it was chaos. All the elements were there: displacement, memory, time, thread, duration, absence of human presence, identity, migration, matrilineal craft making, mothering,…..
“Mieke, what is your WHY?” O, no, where is my answer? It didn’t come. A minute goes past; all eyes are on me. I needed more time. Maybe by the time the remaining WHY’s were shared, I would have mine. My face felt as red as red could get. I only postponed the inevitable. “Is it okay if I go last?” Kellie looked at me in a way only she can and I understand and gave me a nod. “Ketakii, what is your WHY?”
In her eloquently articulated spill, she drops the word “home.” I well up, …. That is my why! I look at Ketakii, she smiles……. It was too much, I wasn’t expecting my bodies reaction. My body tingled all over, my heart filled with emotions and just about jumped out of my chest! I need air, dash out the door onto the patio, and clutch to the railing. Yes, yes the notion of home, as soon as Ket had said it, it all made sense and fell into place.
A few minutes later, an arm wrapped around my shoulder. It was Kellie. She reassured me it was okay to feel overcome with emotion. “It is all part of the process. And see how incredible it is to going through this process with all these amazing, supportive artists. This is the point of the program: as we share our stories, we find new ideas, and answers and fill in the blanks. You are doing all the right things and putting in the work. You have come so far, look at how amazing your exhibition is coming along. We are now working on getting to the crux of things, weed out the unnecessary crap. Slow down and trust the process girl.” she says.” You want too much too soon. You are right where you need to be. Just keep putting in the work and trust the process.”
Kellie was right. I have big dreams and desires and I get way ahead of myself. She always knows what to say to put things into perspective and to set me straight. My body calms down and the overwhelm flees my head. We hug. My insecurity makes way for confidence and self-belief. I pull up my big girl pants, and we head back in, where I deliver my WHY. It was not quite articulate yet, but I was a step closer. There were cheers. The feeling of being supported and accepted was something I had never felt before. My body felt lighter and my mind at ease. I was exactly where I needed to be.
On the 16th of July 2021, I stood in front of the gallery entrance. The exhibition poster hung in the window, reading: In-Between: [Re]wing Life’s Thread. My name and exhibition title are stuck with vinyl letters on the wall. Eleven beautifully curated and installed artworks were ready to be presented to the world. Catalogues filled with professional photographs and a beautifully written essay lay on the entrance table. It was opening night. A sense of pride washed over me. —I did it!
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